On Depression and Failure…

By: Kiki Keane and Rachel Womek

Sorry for the long absence folks. Rachel and I have been depressed.

My depression stems mostly from vanity. You see, I just had my 28th birthday and while 28 is not “old” it feels “old”. I have permanent lines around my eyes and mouth, my blonde hair is turning brown (just like my mom’s did when she got closer to 30), etc. Actually, it’s not really these signs of aging that have me down, though I would really rather keep my blonde (it’s really my best feature). What has me down is the fact that I am not where I planned to be at this age. Actually, I assumed I would be dead. Not because I ever wanted to die young, but because I was suppose to have accomplished everything I ever wanted to do and would have nothing left to live for. Unrealistic? Of course! And things gradually changed as I aged and I realized that I would not actually be able to colonize Mars by the time I was 16 or perform brain surgery by the age of 21 or discover a new continent by the age of 23. By the time High School rolled around I settled for being a graduate of Yale, Stanford, Harvard or Sarah Lawrence by 22, an award winning novelist by 25 and a Pulitzer winner by 26. Sadly, life and hormones happened and I didn’t even bother applying to any of those schools, I haven’t written a line since I turned 18 and I certainly haven’t received the Pulitzer. What have accomplished? A crap ton of debt that I can’t hope to pay back anytime soon, failed grad student (though my grades were pretty good) and being almost completely dependent on my aging grandparents. However, the one bright spot is that this year I finally have the courage to make one of dreams–the biggest dream–come true. This year could be good or could be really, really, really bad. So anyway, a failure induced depression and a good four-day pity party is the reason for my absence. And now that I have bored you with my whining, I will let Rachel bore you with hers. Then we will move on to more important things.

Rachel: I have been depressed for similar reasons. I may not even get to go to Egypt at all because my parents didn’t hold onto my birth certificate and I had to order a new one from California, which I did about 6 weeks ago and I still haven’t gotten it. I have been calling and calling and each time I called would sit on hold for an hour only to hang up because I have things to do and can’t stand around waiting for vital records to answer the phone. Today I just learned they don’t even have any representatives to speak to even though the recorded voice on the phone said their was so I have been calling in vain. Even if my birth certificate arrives tomorrow there is still no guarantee I’ll get my passport on time. I feel like a failure who is supposed to be an adult but can’t accomplish anything worthwhile that I can be proud of.

Don’t get us wrong. We aren’t just sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves. We are working on dealing with our self-pity. Rachel finds solace in killing things in Skyrim and I find solace in Psych and the news. No worries. We will be back to our usual snarky selves in no time. Just a minor set back on our way to becoming self-sufficient adults. And what is success without failure, any how?

Next post will be about more important things. Promise. No, really! Really! 

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Categories: Adventure, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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One thought on “On Depression and Failure…

  1. Keep your heads up, girls! I love reading about all your trials and tribulations from rainy England and really respect that you’re aiming for your dreams. I hope things start going your way x

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